New Life Live: September 22, 2015


Topics: Affairs, Masturbation, Sex Addiction, Sexual Abuse, PTSD, Anger, Abandonment, Self Worth
Hosts: Steve Arterburn, Dr. Jill Hubbard
Guest Host: Jason Martinkus

Caller Questions:

  1. My husband cheats and masturbates; is divorce my only option?
  2. I was molested at 15yo; why did God abandon me?
  3. I am an angry man with PTSD; what will help my “kill” instinct?
  4. My family abandoned me when I was 18yo and pregnant; why do I still have such low self-esteem?

Suggested Resources:
Worthy of Her Trust
Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers
Every Man’s Battle
Healing Is a Choice

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

This is the Every Man’s Battle testimony Steve read on the radio today:

In 2007 my marriage was bad. I was addicted to porn and my wife had an affair and she wanted to marry the other guy. I ran to God the only way I knew, by coming to a conference in Cincinnati (in March). I asked the leader if God will save my marriage. He said he didn’t know. I am writing to say that God did indeed rescue my marriage and He delivered me from a very dark path. Praise God!!!! – Mark

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.


  1. Hi
    I wanted to write and see if there is anyone else out there who feels as I do, who as experienced what I have. First thank you NLM for your ministry! Oh how it blesses so many (it has for me for years!).
    I know Steve Arterburn often says when people call in they should find a women’s group, men’s group or Bible study for emotional support. I am a very outgoing person and I have tried for years and years to find such groups to no avail. I think they are harder to find than Steve Arterburn thinks. That doesn’t me one should lose heart because I haven’t, even though at times I feel it is hopeless to pursue finding these folks & get down about it. I still pray on and continue to press into God more and work on me. I’ve also talked to various folks that say, “If you find one or even two very close friends in a life time it’s a treasure”. I haven’t found even one of those yet. I don’t live in a podunk area either. I just wish Steven Arterburn would stop making it sound like the small groups with folks that want to work on true recovery are a dime a dozen and you can run into any grocery store to find one.

    • Where do you live ? Usually which ever church people attend on their Sabbath has a bible study, or prayer evening during the week. Maybe they are not always gender specific … but usually they exist. You might have to attend a few of those, and then get a group of women together yourself. Have them meet somewhere convenient. Sit in a circle, open with prayer, choose and read a passage, and then everybody share and discuss as it pertains to you all’s daily living. Actually – I need a women’s bible study myself. and I’m in Washington DC. I haven’t investigated yet as to when women’s bible study meet there. Post if you find one in your area. Where are you by the way ?

      • Hi Alita, thank you for your suggestions on how to find a small group.
        I’m sorry, but I am not comfortable sharing where I live. I will pray for you though to find a group.
        God bless.

        • Dear Kate,
          I can so relate (hey that rymes,lol) I have come to the conclusion that though I know a number of woman I do not feel that I can share with them on a deep heart level.
          Each of our journeys are so different. I come from one of abuse but felt like an outsider at CR. I know Jesus has a plan for me and I’m not being cliched.
          I just started my first Women’s Bible Study by accident. I was wanting something different after a home group my husband and I attended dissolved and one of our Pastors suggested a new study on James with Beth Moore would be perfect. It was but being a Women’s Bible Study is completely new to me.
          I poured out my heart to him prior to his suggestion that I am tired of never connecting with women/Church ladies that I needed a break from this search.
          You know what they say about once your done looking then it happens.
          So in a nut shell I have a sneaky feeling after running into “Regina” and her coming to me and saying sit here. And then when we broke off into smaller groups her saying “you’re coming with us.” And of course I did.
          I feel a bit shell shocked and when it happens to you I pray you just follow.
          But alas you are correct they are not as easy as Steve says, but then this is Steve Arterburn we are speaking of and he is a one of kind.
          I wish I could be his friend to. Bless you on your sweet journey Sis

    • I couldn’t help but smile reading your post in agreement. I have felt the urge to scream at the radio, when Steve makes it seem like people are dime-a–dozen in our churches ready and eager to develop deep relationships. I have been in the same church for 12+ years, served in all areas from Sunday school to leadership. I have been able to make only few acquaintances and casual friendships, but nothing like the deep friendships that I had in places I lived and grew up. Also… I am in my 40’s. By this age, most people have their own established clique and circle of friends. It’s very very hard to penetrate those.

      I strongly believe that Steve does not understand how difficult it is to make deep meaningful relationships past a certain age. He has a blind-spot in this issue. All of the new life hosts, including Steve are accomplished, attractive and charismatic personalities. Most people would jump thru hoops to be their friends. It’s effortless for them to make friends. This makes them think it should also be easy for everyone else.

    • Agreed. I think as Christians we tend to be ‘idealists’ about how wonderful things should be. For me personally anyway. Here is my experience: I leave the house and depending on the time of day, realize it is anything but ideal, but a war zone. People have no respect for us, have no boundaries, and immediately push their anger issues onto us. There are so few people I care to see or socialize with. I did attend a Celebrate recovery group years ago and then got into one of the small women’s groups, and it seemed these people were in deep need of recovery. They did not care about other’s issues, only wanted to complain about their many problems. The group no longer exists at that church, and I don’t even attend church. I won’t attend a church in which I am not growing. I listen to New Life and watch services on TV, like Joel Osteen at Lakewood in Texas, and Charles Stanley from First Baptist in Georgia. They are the best services in the US, so why attend a local church when these are the best? I would also like to be connected, but am always working, and schedules are another problem. Most of us who work full time have no energy or time for much else. Thank God for computers and cell phones. Look, I’m connecting right now, aren’t I?

  2. Lucia is married to a woman?? –
    May have bigger issues – beyond just healing from abuse

    • Yes I agree and nowadays we are made to feel guilty about having such opinions about gay marriages. Everyone has free choice, yes you do-with consequences. The 10 Commandments are not 10 Suggestions, and when you violate them, your life isn’t going to go well. Lash out at me if you want to, but I didn’t write the BOOK. Period. Enough said on that.

  3. First, I want to thank my Poppa God for using Matt’s post to affirm me. I knew in the depths of my soul that if no one else affirmed me that regardless there were many, many other folks out there that feel the same way I do about the difficulties & rarity in finding those deeper friendships. I also wholeheartedly agree with you Matt about the NLL radio hosts, how it’s easier for them to make those friendships. One thing I am asking of God, “Please send me those friendships before I’d ever become popular, famous or whatever so I’d know people love me for me (like the song, “What Love Really Means” by JJ Heller).” I am 50, I’ve lived in this area all my life & have been to all kinds of churches, still no connections, so I hear ya! Thanks for the validation Matt! If I don’t meet you hear…I’ll see you in the air…or up there! God bless you & your family Brother! Keep pressing into Him, He is ALWAYS, ALWAYS faithful! As we delight in His…He gives us the desires of our hearts! 😉

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