New Life Live: October 16, 2015

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Topics: Sexual Abuse, Sexual Integrity, Boundaries, Depression, Parenting, Friendships
Hosts: Dr. Jill Hubbard with Larry Sonnenburg
Guest Host: Chris Williams

Caller Questions:

  1. Should I tell my dad’s fiancée that he molested us at the same ages her granddaughters are now?
  2. How do I help my 19yo depressed son who smokes pot?
  3. Why do I always seem to problem solve with my girlfriends who dump on me?
  4. How much do I tell my 2yo about her father being in prison?

Suggested Resources:
Boundaries
How To Have That Difficult Conversation
Purposeful Parenting

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Comments

  1. I would like to suggest that Terry ask her father’s fiancee to listen to this segment of New Life. Hopefully hearing her explain the history with her father, her question and the answers from the psychologists may help the fiancee hear and absorb what she and her at-risk family member will be facing.
    Prayerfully

    • Kaye; I support your suggestion 200%. Clearly she has continued to carry a burden for something awful her father subjected her to and he seems to have ‘moved on’. He might have apologized to Terry many times, but that could be his way to clear his own onscience. That doesn’t mean that the man will not commit future abuses with innocent victims. She is simply trying to do the morally right thing. Let’s pray for Terry that she can be strong in the Lord and receive power from the Holy Spirit.

  2. Debi Stuart says:

    I am so sorry to hear Terry’s story. Terry is so right. This needs to come to the light. I pray for your courage. When I told my family they ostracized me, other than my mother. You are very courageous to let this woman know of your father’s history. I am praying for you and your family.

  3. I predict that Terry’s soon to be step-mother is not going to believe her. I think Terry’s father has perfected the art of deception. He will convince his fiance that Terry is a fabricator of stories and if no other sisters back her up nobody will believe her. What she should do is call her father back and talk to him again this time recording the conversation so she can play it back to the stepmother. She should also notify the children of the new stepmother so they can keep their children away from grandpa. Terry should do everything in her power to protect children even it it cost her relationship with her family. Too bad her own mother did not protect the younger sister. This is a truly a sad story.

    • Terry my hear is jumping with support for you. Can you get your two other sisters to go with you when you have that difficult discussion? What good will your relationships with your family if you DON’T have this talk? Be supported first She needs to postpone this wedding (and probably cancel) at theleSt. This father needs counsel big time!

  4. Yes Terri, no more Mr. Nice Guy. Look what he’s done to you-emotional, self worth, and self esteem abuse. I would be happy to let the truth be known. I don’t know how people like this can go through life acting so bad, continually lying and expecting others to take his side? To feel justified that his behavior should be kept a secret? Why should you protect Satan? I know such a liar and pervert, who he will act charming, and get what he wants, then turn around to share everything with others, brag and laugh and demean the female who gave him anything, call them stupid, etc. He has no empathy, completely selfish, psychopathic. Unless he’s repented, he doesn’t deserve a chance to mess up another life.

  5. In response to the call about counseling friends, I would love to share something my husband and I learned in our premarital counseling years ago: “tool kit or trash can”. Sometimes I’ll start a story to my husband by saying “This is a toolkit,” or “This is a trashcan.” Sometimes I haven’t clarified, so my husband will ask so he knows how to respond to my story. Toolkit means “I would love some help with this situation.” Trash can means “I just need to vent.” It’s a very helpful communication tool! It can be used in friendships as well as in marriage relationships!

  6. In the sweet name of Jesus, I pray that Terry tells the woman her father is getting ready to marry and soon. Yes, much is going to come out of this secret being revealed but free yourself Terry, please let that demon go that’s been living in you and your family, please tell her, once you do your conscience will be freed and you will feel so much better, more so, if anything does happen it won’t be your fault, I mean I pray he doesn’t hurt anyone else but please, please say something. I know this man is your father but he disrespected you and your siblings something awful and it’s not fair. He needs help and he needs to seek counseling and repentance. Please move forward with telling her, I pray and agree with you and the New Life listeners that this will work in your favor. Trust & believe that!

  7. Marlene Hurshman says:

    I was surprised no one mentioned calling the authorities. Has it been too long or something?

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